Funnies

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Slade, Sep 28, 2016.

  1. Slade

    Slade Member

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    Hey now, I've been scammed.
     
  2. Stone

    Stone Member

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    No scam here.
     
  3. Slade

    Slade Member

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    New alternative torture to water boarding.

    [​IMG]
     
  4. Slade

    Slade Member

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  5. Slade

    Slade Member

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    A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

    With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

    Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

    I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

    But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.

    She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

    Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

    We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

    In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

    Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

    Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, Your Son John

    PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

    I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card that's in my center desk drawer.

    I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home
     
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  6. Slade

    Slade Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  7. Allen Morrison

    Allen Morrison Member

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  8. Flex

    Flex Moderator Staff Member

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  9. Slade

    Slade Member

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  10. Nether

    Nether Member

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    Saw this on imgur:

    A local newspaper (in England) ran a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line… But the least romantic second line.

    Here are some of the entries they received...

    My feelings for you no words can tell,
    Except for maybe “go to hell ”

    Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
    But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.

    Oh loving beauty you float with grace
    If only you could hide your face

    Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
    This describes everything you are not

    I want to feel your sweet embrace.
    But don’t take that paper bag off of your face

    I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
    Damn, I’m good at telling lies !

    I see your face when I am dreaming.
    That’s why I always wake up screaming

    My love, you take my breath away.
    What have you stepped in to smell this way
     
  11. Benson X

    Benson X Member

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    @Andy the Aussie - are you a 'roo puncher, lol? I'd surely square off with one if he had my dog in a choke hold.
     
  12. AddictedToSteel

    AddictedToSteel Member

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    I heard a story about Stevie Wonder once. It was good news and bad news. Good news was he got his sight. Bad news was that he was arrested for killing the guy that has been doing his hair all these years. :D
     
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  13. Benson X

    Benson X Member

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    Q: What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

    A: Mick Jagger sings "Hey, you, get off of my cloud!" while the Scotsman says "Hey McLeod! Get off of my ewe!"
     
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  14. Slade

    Slade Member

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    Graffiti from Melbourne

    [​IMG]
     
  15. Theodore

    Theodore Member

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    Why is suckerpunching roo a thing?
     
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  16. Nether

    Nether Member

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    A JEWISH DAUGHTER AND HER MOTHER !

    A Jewish daughter says to her mother, "I'm divorcing Nathan. All he
    wants is sex, sex and more sex.
    My vagina is now the size of a 50-CENT piece, when it used to be the
    size of a NICKEL."
    Her mother says…
    "You're married to a multi-millionaire businessman!
    You live in an 8 bedroom mansion!
    You drive a $250,000 Ferrari!
    You get $2,000 a week allowance!
    You take 6 vacations a year and
    You want to throw all that away over 45 CENTS?"
     
  17. Nether

    Nether Member

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    From another email....photo of a girl in a t-shirt. T-Shirt said:

    Immigrants are like sperm
    Millions get in, but only one works.
     
  18. Mountainmistwanderer

    Mountainmistwanderer Member

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  19. Bcamos

    Bcamos Member

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    [​IMG]
     
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  20. jeeter

    jeeter Member

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    I'm REALLY not trying to make this a political thread, but I couldn't resist this one.
    [​IMG]
     
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